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Submitted by guest editor Mike G.


For anyone not familiar with the great Patio Debate that exists within River Heights I’ll provide you with a brief and summary.

Last Summer Bobby Motola of Dirty Laundry infamy had the patio to his new restaurant, Pizzaria Gusto, blocked by a very vocal minority. Personally I don’t even really like Gusto. Their food is great, the ambiance is amazing, and its great for the area. Its just that I worked there briefly and they don’t (or at least didn’t then) recycle. I was overworked and under-appreciated, but its that recycling that still gets me. I actually started saving the bottles on nights that I worked and stockpiling them in the basement. When I eventually told them I was leaving I got some small satisfaction for the mistreatment by returning all their bottles and getting a free 24. But I digress.

Though I have my beef with management, even I would openly admit a patio is a great idea and great for the area. Now my old nemesis Gusto has their patio and next door Johnny Fox’s wants a piece of the patio action. Again this elusive group of Patio Haters, as I’ve affectionately dubbed them, have appeared to take up the fight no one wanted them to. This top 5 is addressed directly to them.

5. Much more unpleasant patios already exist that you didn’t try to stop. Where was the rally to take away the patio from Moxies on Kenaston? The patio is actually great and not a nuisance to anyone… But you have to eat with Nyguard’s face leering at you from across the parking lot.

4. Look out the window right now. Welcome to Winnipeg. This is the life we chose. Weather borders on intolerable most of the year and you want us to sit inside and not enjoy the nice weather when it briefly appears? The nay-sayers will try to say that they aren’t against enjoying Summer but that they are concerned about noise issues. The patios in question are slated to close well before midnight and are not allowed to play amplified music.

3. The complainers themselves could not be reached for comment by the Sun. Now frankly I’m pretty sure I would hang up on the Sun if they called me – But I’m not trying to shut down any patios so I don’t have to justify anything. These people are not willing to defend their viewpoint and frankly that sounds like they have something to hide. I’m working on a theory right now, based on the fact that these people must have some objection to fun itself, that they are all actually John Lithgow in character from the film Dirty Dancing. I’ve never actually seen that movie so all I know is that they outlaw dancing. Patrick Swayze plays by no man’s rules but his own, and certain people can not be put into corners.

2. River Heights parents will be able to keep a closer on eye on their children. We all know those Kelvin kids or unfortunately nicknamed SMAG’S (St. Mary’s Academy Girls) like their rowdy house parties. If J. Fox had a patio parents who were naive enough to leave their liquor cabinets unattended could actually see their teenagers going into that 7/11 across the street to buy drink mix.

1. Come on. Seriously. Have you ever actually been on a patio? Are you aware of how good it feels? Just come down. River Heights is like my backyard, I’ll buy the first beer. If that doesn’t convince you I give up, good luck on your future plans to steal Christmas.